3: Why Your Budget Never Sticks (Spoiler Alert: It's Not Your Fault)
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Have you tried budgeting in the past? Perhaps multiple times?
But have you always had the lingering feeling that something just isn't quite right? Things just didn’t stick for some reason?
Or maybe you feel like you are smart, educated and have a good job but can’t figure out why you can’t understand money?
These are all things I’ve heard from clients and today we are going to explore why you may have been unsuccessful in the past and what you can start doing today to move yourself into a better financial position.
Ok, so maybe you’ve tried budgeting. You’ve downloaded the apps. Used them diligently for a week or two, maybe even a month, but then life gets busy, you forget to log a purchase, and get frustrated and give up.
Or maybe you’ve tried going cold turkey - restricting what you buy, trying a "no-spend" challenge or cutting out all entertainment. You’ve stopped going out with friends, only eat rice and beans, but just end up feeling like you are punishing yourself. Before you know it, you’re burned out and go on a huge spending spree, only to end up feeling guilty and even more defeated.
First off, take a deep breath. You’re here because you are looking for a different way. And let me just say that it’s not your fault.
The reason you may have been unsuccessful in the past might be because there’s more to money than just the numbers. You may have unintentionally been leaving out a critical piece.
Let’s face it, the world of finance is far more complex than your basic math. If only 2 + 2 = 4 was as complicated as it got! Plus, practical budgeting and financial literacy are often overlooked in schools. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, if only I learned this in school! The good news is that the only math you actually need for your finances is basic addition and subtraction! And calculators are allowed!
The bad news is that there is so much more to money than just math. Money goes so much deeper for most people than just talking about the numbers. It likely brings up memories, feelings and emotions that most people would just rather not deal with.
And it can bring up a plethora of emotions – anxiety, scarcity, guilt, anger, excitement, shame, joy, intimidation – to name a few.
Plus, we all also have a money story. These stories create layers upon layers of history that can actually run generations deep.
Yet, we also need to learn the practical side of how to budget.
It’s no wonder you may be feeling incredibly overwhelmed when it comes to your finances!
But don’t worry. While money may bring up a range of emotions and memories, there is a way to navigate this intricate landscape. By addressing four key aspects of your relationship with money, you can create lasting change and achieve what I like to call Financial Exuberance, or a state where you have a positive relationship with money, use it as a tool to build your business, live Your Greatest Life, and create positive change in the world.
Yes, it really is possible. The first step is believing that it is. If that’s hard to believe right now, that’s ok. Just know that I believe it is possible for you and I will keep believing that until you can do so for yourself.
Now let's explore these four sides of money together.
First - Behaviors & Actions
How do you act around money? What habits do you have? (You may not even realize you have them!) These subconscious habits and patterns affect your relationship with money, whether or not you realize it. That’s why it’s so important to dig into your behavior patterns around money, determining where these patterns came from and examining to see if they still serve you and the life you are looking to achieve.
For example, do you find yourself unconsciously buying a certain brand of cereal, even though you don’t really love it? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? Maybe it’s because that’s what your parents said you could afford when you were growing up and that has always stuck with you. But is that actually true for you today? It may or may not be, but until you do a little digging, you may not realize how many habits you have that were taught to you as a child. Some of these patterns have been ingrained in you for decades, so it will take time to reprogram your brain to what you truly believe for yourself.
The takeaway here is that it is important to uncover the subconscious habits and patterns that influence your financial decisions. By understanding where these behaviors originated and evaluating if they still serve you, you can begin to reshape and be intentional with your behaviors and actions related to money.
The second area is your Money Mindset
What you focus on is what you attract. And how you talk to yourself and others about money can affect what you are attracting. Are you constantly feeling like you never have any money and will always be in debt? That might be why you feel stuck and are always incurring large expenses!
Do you ever find yourself saying any of these things:
I don’t want to be in debt.
I’m never going to pay off my student loans.
There’s never any money leftover at the end of the month.
I can’t afford that.
What if you started shifting those thoughts to more positive ones:
I’m debt free!
I’m well on my way to paying off my student loans!
I’m saving $20 each month!
I’m choosing to spend (or save!) my money somewhere that is more aligned with my priorities.
How much of a different energy do these second thoughts have? Maybe when you first get started, you can’t quite get fully onboard with the positive extreme. Maybe being debt free feels like it is soooo many years away and you will never get there. So what if you started with I’m on my way to becoming debt free! Because that is a true statement - every payment you make on a loan gets you that much closer to paying it off. Start with what resonates with you.
The takeaway here is: What you focus on is what you attract. Shift your perspective from scarcity and debt to abundance and financial freedom. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations and watch how your energy transforms.
The third side of money are your Feelings & Emotions
For many people, just thinking about money can bring up a lot of emotions – fear, anxiety, scarcity and anger are just a few.
Our memories and experiences shape who we are today — the person we have become. And while a lot of these beliefs and experiences are conscious, a lot of them are subconscious.
This is especially true when it comes to money. Money has always been around you, even before you were aware of it. Ever since you were born, your money history has been unfolding.
Maybe you’ve always had to save money you received for birthdays. Maybe your mom always told you your family would be homeless if the rent didn’t get paid. Or maybe you felt relieved when your parents helped you out with an apartment deposit so you could leave an unhealthy relationship.
One very real example for me personally came up a few years ago and it had to do with some slightly freezer burnt ice cream. In this particular instance, it was higher quality ice cream from a local shop and the thought that popped into my mind was, it’s too expensive to waste. That thought stopped me in my tracks because I realized that was my dad’s voice. But just how quickly it came to the surface, that subconscious thought I had been internalizing for years was the surprising part. In the end, I did end up throwing it away and replacing that thought with I am worthy of great ice cream!
The point is, money and the thoughts you have around it can carry a huge weight, and it might not even be your fault. You may not even realize these weights are there. Taking time to dig into your money history can help you uncover these thoughts and feelings and release them, if necessary, in order to move forward.
Money has a profound impact on our emotions, often evoking fear, anxiety, and anger. By delving into your money history and examining past experiences, you can release any negative associations and move forward with clarity.
And the fourth side of money is the Practical side.
Yep, the actual numbers – creating a budget, assessing your debt situation, or tracking expenses are all parts of how to actually start changing your situation. Being willing to face your numbers - income, debt and expenses - can be incredibly scary. But, once you know your numbers it will actually give you more confidence and clarity than you ever thought possible. At the very least, it gives you a starting point so you have information to be able to take the next right step forward.
It will also give you more CONTROL and help you take action based on what YOU want, rather than what someone else tells you you should want or where you’ve blindly ended up. It’s not uncommon to find expenses that my clients didn’t even know they were paying for, it was something they forgot about or thought was canceled maybe, but because they weren’t looking at their numbers, they had no idea. Once you are armed with that information, you can take action to change where you money goes.
Will it be scary to face the numbers? Probably. Will it be painful to see your spending in certain areas? Most definitely. Will it be worth it in the long run, if you make conscious choices to do something different moving forward? Absolutely.
Your takeaway here: Take control of your finances by creating a budget, assessing your debt situation, and tracking expenses. Facing the numbers may be daunting, but it will empower you to make conscious choices and regain control over your financial future.
To recap, the four areas of money are: your behaviors and actions, your money mindset, your feelings and emotions, and the practical side of budgeting.
And while this sounds like a lot, the key is to take it one step at a time. Those individual steps will begin to add up to progress over time, you just have to keep moving forward. I tell my clients all the time, you didn’t get here overnight and you won’t get out of it overnight either. But you have to start. One action you can take today that will start touching on all of these areas is to just start becoming aware. Aware of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, any stories you tell yourself, how you feel when you spend money, any voices you hear in your head that might be from a parent or other caregiver. Just start to notice. Becoming aware is the first step to being able to make any sort of change.
By embracing all four sides of money, you can achieve Financial Exuberance – a state where you have a positive relationship with money, use it as a tool to live Your Greatest Life, build your business, and create positive change in the world. This is a place where YOU are in control of your money (rather than feeling like it controls you) and you have more clarity and control over your finances than you ever thought possible.
Also, you're not alone on this journey. We all have areas of our money that require attention and growth (yes, even me!). As you continue to explore and dive deeper into this work, you'll uncover new layers and transform not only your life but likely also the lives of future generations, this work is that powerful.
Imagine the possibilities that this freedom could hold for you and your family.
Because yes, your biggest, wildest dreams are within reach. Let’s make some money moves so that you too can start to experience financial freedom.
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